Shy? Am I….
the heat is so great
it plays tricks with the eye
it turns the road to water
and then from water to sky
and there’s a crack in the concrete floor
and it starts at the sink
there’s a bathroom in a gas station
and i’ve locked myself in it to think
What do you all suspect I am? To be perfectly honest; I am a bit shy, in fact I am a bit private; to a point. You may meet me and I may just open up to you; telling you everything you may think you know of me.
The truth? I haven’t told you everything. In fact, I keep plenty to myself and it takes me awhile to truly divulge specific details about myself; my life; my family… I might know just how to lead you on as much as you do: playing with my feelings as if I were a cat’s toy:
That loving & exciting nature in front of my eyes.
My ears perk up and I’m almost captivated by your enthusiasm to pull at my heart strings.
I’m a cat; nearly independent & pleased with just a bit of affection,
but then I crave your touch, your gaze into my eyes and
I wrap my little tail around you, pulling you close.
and back in the city
the sun bakes the trash on the curb
the men are pissing in doorways
and the rats run in herds
i’ve got a dream of your face
that scares me awake
i put too much on my table
and now i got too much a stake
And when I do trust you; when you have finally broken through my barriers;
I feel like I can open myself up to a new world. Sadly, I have trusted people who don’t deserve this. A new friend, even a lover who has made me believe I can truly wear my heart on my sleeve….
That’s over now.
But don’t you worry; I won’t lose my romantic spirit that everyone knows me by. It’s basically woven into my soul and it would take quite a bit more for me to ever forget I am a truly passionate soulful being who believes in fate. It’s just that: it’s their loss. It’s the “emotionally unavailable”, that truly has the ability to miss out on love; on the feeling of opening up to someone who cares for them.
It’s almost as if I am being guided into their “world”, they want me to become as “quiet” as they have….
and i might let you off easy
yeah i might lead you on
i might wait for you to look for me
and then i might be gone
where i come from and where i’m going
and i’m lost in between
i might go up to that phone booth
and leave a veiled invitation on you machine
Yeah, I may actually ask these “emotionally unavailable” people back into my life based on the feelings I once shared for them; and then I end up with tears streaming down my face, crying to myself as I lay in my bed, wishing I never had even stepped foot into their presence; begging for them to answer my calls; my texts.
and you’ll stop me, won’t you
if you’ve heard this one before
the one where i surprise you
by showing up at your front door
saying ‘let’s not ask what’s next,
or how, or why’
i am leaving in the morning
so let’s not be shy
The truth is, I will always love that person; the “emotionally unavailable” and maybe one day they’ll be able to feel as I do….
The friends and the lovers that have led my love astray;
You are forgiven and I hope you do well.