Mod Pod Daily

Quadrophonia, a new style. Straight from the mind into a Cubase file.

Archive for the tag “ani difranco”

Shy….

Shy? Am I….

the heat is so great
it plays tricks with the eye
it turns the road to water
and then from water to sky
and there’s a crack in the concrete floor
and it starts at the sink
there’s a bathroom in a gas station
and i’ve locked myself in it to think

What do you all suspect I am? To be perfectly honest; I am a bit shy, in fact I am a bit private; to a point. You may meet me and I may just open up to you; telling you everything you may think you know of me.

The truth? I haven’t told you everything. In fact, I keep plenty to myself and it takes me awhile to truly divulge specific details about myself; my life; my family… I might know just how to lead you on as much as you do: playing with my feelings as if I were a cat’s toy:

Dangle, Dangle

That loving & exciting nature in front of my eyes.

My ears perk up and I’m almost captivated by your enthusiasm to pull at my heart strings.

I’m a cat; nearly independent & pleased with just a bit of affection,

but then I crave your touch, your gaze into my eyes and

I wrap my little tail around you, pulling you close.

and back in the city
the sun bakes the trash on the curb
the men are pissing in doorways
and the rats run in herds
i’ve got a dream of your face
that scares me awake
i put too much on my table
and now i got too much a stake

And when I do trust you; when you have finally broken through my barriers;

I feel like I can open myself up to a new world.  Sadly, I have trusted people who don’t deserve this.  A new friend, even a lover who has made me believe I can truly wear my heart on my sleeve….

That’s over now.

But don’t you worry; I won’t lose my romantic spirit that everyone knows me by. It’s basically woven into my soul and it would take quite a bit more for me to ever forget I am a truly passionate soulful being who believes in fate. It’s just that: it’s their loss. It’s the “emotionally unavailable”, that truly has the ability to miss out on love; on the feeling of opening up to someone who cares for them.

It’s almost as if I am being guided into their “world”, they want me to become as “quiet” as they have….

and i might let you off easy
yeah i might lead you on
i might wait for you to look for me
and then i might be gone
where i come from and where i’m going
and i’m lost in between
i might go up to that phone booth
and leave a veiled invitation on you machine
Yeah, I may actually ask these “emotionally unavailable” people back into my life based on the feelings I once shared for them; and then I end up with tears streaming down my face, crying to myself as I lay in my bed, wishing I never had even stepped foot into their presence; begging for them to answer my calls; my texts.

and you’ll stop me, won’t you
if you’ve heard this one before
the one where i surprise you
by showing up at your front door
saying ‘let’s not ask what’s next,
or how, or why’
i am leaving in the morning
so let’s not be shy

The truth is, I will always love that person;  the “emotionally unavailable” and maybe one day they’ll be able to feel as I do….

The friends and the lovers that have led my love astray;

You are forgiven and I hope you do well.

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04.30.2012: Rockabye….in Brooklyn

tending the garden of noise
when I grow the traffic
and the church bells
and the neighborhood boys
singing to myself
as the solitude sets in
in tune with the symphony
of south Brooklyn
I sing

Brooklyn:

What can I say about Brooklyn? I’ll start with, that semi-large borough that I was born in, brought up in and thrive in at this moment. I am one of few people nowadays who actually seemed to have stemmed from such an eclectic part of this country.  Brimming with local artists, community gardens, tree-lined streets and cafes, bars like 61 Local that have Kombucha on tap and introduces other local businesses to the masses.  I miss when I spend most of my work days in the fast paced hustle of Manhattan. Brooklyn is electric, eclectic and I simply adore spending my weekends there. I soak in the delight of the neighborhoods and currently, ride my bike watching the blurred scenery pass me by.

when the solitude sets in
in tune with the symphony
of south Brooklyn
i sing

rockabye, rockabye baby
rockabye, the baby that is me
rockabye, rockabye baby
rockabye till i’m fast asleep

The past week had passed rather quickly as time usually does. On Tuesday, I went to yoga at Jivamukti, my favorite yoga studio in New York City. I truly have tried many and this one just so happens to be the only one I find is progressive enough for what i find I want my yoga experience to be. They also are a vegan yoga school, who support Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary, so that makes my decision an easier one for me to routinely go to.

In class, I met our teacher, Chris. He was amazing, instructing us in some positions that I hadn’t taken part in and or his soothing voice introduced us to take part in positions I just hadn’t thought of returning to in quite a while. During the head stand, in which I was unfortunately having trouble bringing myself into after so long of not taking part in such a pose, Chris helped position me and left me, standing on my head for a little while. The blood rushing to my head and my thoughts clearing, I felt rejuvenated when I returned to upward dog.

After the class, we lay in a fetal position and then flat on our (sometimes aching backs) Om’ing and meditating to the sound of serene chanting music. I enjoy this spiritual awakening every time I participate in it and maybe it’s because I was raised as a child of hippies, Om’ing in a field along with 4,000 others, creating a serene musical experience.

the tunnel is train torn
the tracks are worn and sore
i can feel the rattle
riding up through the floor
she jumped the turnstile
he paid for his ride
i am the echo in the station
where their footfalls collide
i left her at the epicenter
we were trembling dutifully
i left him too
i left parts of me
singing…

Last weekend, my friend Dania came from the Bronx and we decided to go to the newly re-opened, VSpot. I ordered the Vegan Eggplant Parmesan, which I admit: I enjoyed every bit of. I had to beg the waitress to take some away because I didn’t want to overeat and Danny, the owner and a good friend of mine: brought me over a birthday mimosa. Our experience was delightful and as always, I will be returning to VSpot.

After dinner, we decided to do some shopping and stopped into Beacons Closet, just as they were closing and then heading on over to Target. I was dressed in a Nautical theme:

Sailboat maxi skirt: 1970s: Beacons closet: $15.00. 70s Sailboat skirt: Beacons closet: $15.00, Vintage retro shoes.

After shopping, Dania wanted to try some Kombucha on tap at a local bar on the way to the movie theater in Cobble Hill, but we decided to spend time in Barnes & Noble, have some tea and rant & rave.

As I previously mentioned: the week went by quickly. I volunteered at a small rescue for a few hours, I helped co-write a new song and stayed up till the wee hours working on the Artists way, gave in and finally decided on getting eye contacts which I finally have been able to grasp the routine of! and, sadly, my roommate Daniel, left us and moved to Paris, to become a head chef in a new vegan restaurant. (Happy for you, Daniel!)

i said today i am leaving
in every sense of the word
but I’m in love with your memory already
everything I’ve seen and heard
and i will go singing
as the solitude sets in
in time with the rhythm
of everywhere i have been
it sounds like

Saturday:

My lovely friend, Abby held a clothing swap at her apartment in which about 15 girls, besides myself, attended. (We literally had about 20 large bags of clothes piled up on top of each other) and we played the normal clothing swap games; First person to raise their hands, gets the piece of clothing and or jewelery. This time, I picked up quite a few items from Abby (including an amazing dress I am currently wearing with little elephants on it!) a Bob Marley shirt I have already worn twice since Saturday and a few pairs of jeans that I needed. Basically, after trying everything on: all 15 girls went home with some memories and a whole new wardrobe. After the swap, Jacquelyn and I stuck around and  helped Abby pick up while sipping on champagne & wine and at about 10:30, we decided to order a vegan gluten-free pizza from Pizza Plus.

Check out Kristy’s new blog: http://heyimkristy.blogspot.com/ for more details on the swap.

Sunday:

Abby and I planned on taking 3 large bags of clothes from the swap to Long Island to donate to Food not Bombs, a  food share that happens on Sundays all over New York State. We are trying to go there to volunteer about once a month and always feel wonderful after.

At 11:30, I arrived at Abby’s house and we went to have a delightful brunch before driving out to Long Island. About an hour later, of talking, we arrived at the Food share in Hempstead and started working on the produce line just as soon as we arrived. I am always amazed at what we end up giving out: but pleased that Food not Bombs is a vegan food share and everything we hand out happens to not contain ANY animal-by products.

We were handing out basil plants, bananas, potatoes, all sorts of other fruits and veggies. Jon Stepanian, a personal hero and good friend of mine, keeps everything under control and dedicates his time and money to projects like this one. In fact, on May 19th, he will be running 50 miles on Long Island to raise money for his own Non-profit Community Solidarity.

Every time we go there: we are amazed at how many other volunteers there are, taking part in such a good cause. We had a good time while encouraging each other to open our hearts and souls and help…

The ongoing word and joke of the day was: Similac. Ha!

After the food share we now have a tradition of heading over to our favorite Italian restaurant in the tri-state area: 3 Brothers Pizza Cafe, where Abby and I share a delightful vegan greek salad and each order Tempeh Marsala with spinach. And we watch as the two Jon’s traditionally with us, devour calzones and pizzas.

We were in heaven…

tending the garden of noise
where i grow the traffic
and the church bells
and the neighborhood boys
singing to myself
when the solitude sets in
in tune with the symphony
of south Brooklyn.

When we got back to Brooklyn, Jacquelyn rang me up and told me about a n ice piece of furniture she found and we brought it in last night, placing it in our living room and admiring its antique features.

All is well for a Sunday night as I tried to organize my new wardrobe of clothes and sleep.

Of course, I stayed up half the night with a poem in mind. Scribbling it down into a notebook I have placed under my pillow.

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