Mod Pod Daily

Quadrophonia, a new style. Straight from the mind into a Cubase file.

Archive for the tag “Anais Nin”

Deeper Instinct

154806_10151345339454926_968895242_n

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”
― Anais Nin

Advertisements

02.15.12: A leaf fluttered in through the window this morning…..

Mmm mm! 🙂

You were tempting, but not enough to make me lose myself in your heavenly web.

The taste of you is still lingering on my lips…

In the end, I devoured you with great passion.

And in that moment…I felt bliss.

I wrote that poem about, chocolate. Are you surprised? No. Because in the past few days I must have eaten what I assume is the equivalent of the  vegan “Charlie & the Chocolate” Factories worth of …chocolate. Needless to say, I was left with a stomach ache at one point and quite a bit of energy until I passed out after having a bomb of aphrodisiacs in my system.

Yesterday was Valentine’s day as you all know and honestly, I did not end up doing any of my plan of the Very Vintage Valentine’s day but I sure hope someone out there reading this blog did! (It was a good plan). I did end up dressing quite lovely to work with a lace vintage classic cut dress and my purple cardigan, bought myself plenty of chocolate and wore my favorite perfume.  I did not get a good pic of the outfit so I won’t post it: sorry.

By the end of the night I was left with a memory that turned out to be quite lovely and not because it was specifically Valentine’s day but because of who I spent the time with while knowing that it could have been any day (or just another Tuesday) and it would have still ended nicely, with me drifting to sleep sweetly. 🙂

Today:

Vintage "Audrey" dress, 60s shift. Vintage Bow headband: 60s.

Today, yet again, I awoke with a smile on my face and everything seemed to be going quite well: I arrived to work early and had enough time to actually stop for my favorite coffee at yes, you will all hate this: Starbucks. I give in to temptation once in a while and order my favorite coffee drink that just so happens to be a “Soy Peppermint Misto”, which started on an animal rights tour in 90 degree weather in Savannah, Georgie while my co-activist mentioned that I should order one and alas, since then; this is my signature drink. Ok, sometimes I admit I also crave a “Soy Green Tea Latte”.

Dear  Starbucks: how I despise the craving I have for you on certain days. We have a love-hate relationship, you see. You are the only cafe that always has soy milk in the middle of nowhere.

Today I decided to re-read more of one of my favorite female authors: Anais Nin, not that I ever put it down but every time I pick up one of her books again and or just re-read a poem of hers, a quote, a blurb; I become instantly inspired in my own life and writing. And more recently inspiration has returned to me and I am writing freely, once again.

She was writing before her time (the 30s) and actually had some of her writings banned in America, along with her long time love affair, Henry Miller who had books banned here, as well. And I always thought we had “free speech”. They had life in their writings!

It’s sad that I feel and see that not many people who know me actually realized how much I like to write. Maybe it is because I stopped mentioning it as much as I used to and just kind of kept it to myself? My routine everyday life just kept something I love to do; hidden.  I am once again getting in touch with my passions for life other than of course, activism & food & travel. Though, I need to travel again this year: I am amorous over the thought of waking up in another town, city, state and or country and living it; joining the routines of the locals and watching the sunset and rise in undiscovered lands…

Exploring.

One of life’s greatest pleasures is to experience something I haven’t yet had the chance to pursue and this year, I feel that happening, actually I know it will; it must.

I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing.

As I return to writing about the talented Anais Nin, she had been my guide through travels as I read each and every one of her books after a friend of mine handed one of her diaries to me when I had just barely turned the age of 18, my friend explaining to me that I will find myself in her. Alas, that is exactly what had happened: the words she wrote, the feelings she endured in life and the passion she dove into with each waking moment left me feeling like I belonged because at that point: I, too knew I had elsewhere to be in life. And thus, I ran to Europe… to write.

I found delight in her quotes:

A leaf fluttered in through the window this morning,
as if supported by the rays of the sun, a bird settled on the fire escape,
joy in the task of coffee, joy accompanied me as I walked…

Or just little reminders that life is just as lovely as you make it out to be, don’t lose your passion for it..

She would speak her mind and not give up hope that someone will love her for it, and they did. The people she wrote about; Henry Miller, June & her husband, Hugh Parker Guiler loved the woman she was.

Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive,

and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.

And I feel, I am starting to surround myself with people who care for the person I am, as well.

P.S. I still have chocolate, can you believe it?

02.09.12: Moon River….

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I’m crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you’re going I’m going your way.

One of my favorite songs sung by Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I won’t even bother mentioning that this is a favorite movie of mine because it isn’t, it’s not even my favorite: it can’t be on the list. It’s an ICONIC movie of mine. 😉  I once had a cat named…”Cat”, I wear black shift dresses and my friend Tanya’s nickname for me will always be “Audrey”…..

Audrey & her baby deer...

Growing up I would watch anything that Audrey had acted in because her natural sweet spirit, and sing-song voice and beautiful grace.  She was a woman of honor as she would donate to Childline and other charities across the world and throughout her life. She would volunteer her free time to helping others and this is in fact what I wanted from life in the long run: a life of giving, care and empathy.

At one point when I was taking french in high school, we watched Sabrina (amongst many other films, of course) and this became a life changing event. I decided right then that I would be running to France as soon as I can and basically chop my hair off and become beautiful. Why do I say this? Because when I was a freshman in high school I had long hair, glasses (wait I still have long hair and wear glasses occasionally!), and basically had very low self-esteem. I would look in the mirror  and over analyze my reflection staring back at me. I would hide underneath large shirts and jeans and not want to show off any sort of youthful beauty I may have had and would feel isolated. What I didn’t know is what beauty really is and that’s what we find during our youthful years, isn’t it?

Why are teenagers so impressionable? I needed something to inspire me to want to step beyond this teenage angst and I watched Sabrina which opened my eyes to a fairy tale of beauty as she returns from Paris growing there from a young girl into a charming elegant lady. Her hair cut short into a pixie cut and rouged lips perfectly penciled in. After seeing this movie I did a modeling gig for Bumble & Bumble in which guess what they did without my even mentioning it? They chopped my very long hair into a short pixie, placed sunglasses in my hand and instructed me on a few tips for the future. I didn’t know what my future may bring but I did know that one day, I would be in Paris. But even more so,  I promised that I wouldn’t lose track of my virtues. I will be a strong woman and not base my life on looks or glances but on poise. She broke free of the restraints of innocence and let go, and like her, I did this too.

Pixie cut....picture taken after a runway show.

At 18, I was given a book written by Anais Nin, but I will write a post on her another time.  Explore.

Two drifters off to see the world.
There’s such a lot of world to see.
We’re after the same rainbow’s end–

Why am I bringing this up? Well last night, I went to my friend Joy’s show at Rockwood Music HallJoy Askew is not only a friend of mine that I appreciate dearly but she is also a talented and inspirational artist with heartfelt lyrics. She described a story last night about her cat and her house in France and how everyday there would be a bit of sun shining through the bathroom at the same time each day and there lay the cat, bathing in the rays. Maybe just how she explains stories and or her melodic voice: it ceased me. How amazing life is that we sometimes have routine and there lay this serene sentient being everyday at the same time for his nap.  Peaceful….

Life is beautiful. Just seize it, take it, make out with it for all I care but definitely move forward with all your passions.  Sometimes we need peaceful breaks like Joy taking a holiday to France to enjoy her lovely farmhouse with her cats to inspire us and bring us back to our dreams. As I was talking to people at the show and after and reflecting on the people I choose to keep in my life, I realized that you can always achieve the dreams you have. Like Sabrina, go for it.  Like me, live it as this is reality and you only get one chance right now, this lifetime anyway.

Live presently:

Mod 60's button down shift dress; Beacon's Closet. ($20), Vintage Echo Scarf; Gift(Thanks Carol!), patterned tights.

Thank you Carol for this scarf 🙂

waiting ’round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.

I have to mention though: I am not a Tiffany’s “girl”. I live on my thrift, vintage and whatever else I find recycled and enjoy this matter-of-factually. I may love style and elegance but you know what I find perfect? Sentiments.

 C’est la vie!

Post Navigation